In a world where we feel the need to compare ourselves to others, where we feel that if we don't comply to certain standards we feel less about ourselves, we go through a vicious cycle of self loathing, self hatred, feelings that you are not good enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough, not clever enough, lot's and lot's of 'if onlys'. I have felt this way most of my life, I have struggled with the fact that I just don't really like me!!, and it is something I DO NOT want my children to go through, they, like everyone else on this planet, me included, are unique, one of a kind, no one else like them, special in their own way, smart in their own way, beautiful in their own way, their body shape and size is unique to them, they SHOULD NOT be made to change how or what they are because others and society feels they should or makes them feel uncomfortable.
No one has the right to dictate to them how they should or shouldn't look, what the should or shouldn't be, they are special for who and what they are.. themselves. They have their own views, their own beliefs, their own likes and dislikes, their own annoying habits and special traits, they can be untidy, messy (especially Darren and Cerys!😆) but also very thoughtful, kind and caring, that's what I admire and love about each of them, their ability to amaze and wow me in ways that are unique to them, each of them shine and stand out with their own special personalities, that's what makes them individual, and I know there will come a day when I will look back on these times and miss all the chaos, noise and mess that comes with the gift of having children, but for now I am grateful to still have the 3 of them quite happy living at home, to help celebrate special occasions like birthdays and Christmases, it won't always be like this, they will eventually have families of their own and prefer to spend these times with them, and I understand and accept that wholeheartedly.
My kids are not perfect eaters, I hold my hands up to that but who's kids are?, and I confess that it does irritate the crap out of me when I have to think and make 3 separate meals, Darren being the exception, he will eat whatever is put in front of him 👍, they eat fast food when out with mates, hell, we occasionally have it for tea ourselves!, they will have dessert for lunch if they fancy it, they go to school/work with the occasional Nutella or peanut butter sandwich, I would rather they eat something than go hungry! but I know they also eat lot's of healthy stuff, soup, rice, beans, eggs, fruit, nuts, vegetables, chicken etc.
I don't mean to come across as the "perfect parent", I am far from it, I am my own worst critic, I have made hundreds of parenting mistakes and fails over the years and beat myself up about them, we do argue and disagree, I do lose my rag and shout, that's what families do, it is not a perfect world and we are not a perfect family, we are just ticking along as best we can like everyone else. But I just try to encourage their own individuality, their own uniqueness, to me they are simply awesome just the way they are, all I could have ever wished for, and got!, they don't need or deserve criticism from me or anyone else, I just want them to be happy in their own skin, that means more to me than any brilliant career, immaculate/perfect appearance, straight 'A's' at school, for my kids to be happy and content with who and what they are is all I wish for. I have done and will continue to do my parenting job to the best of my ability, Scott and I have raised 3 respectful, mannerable, kind, caring human beings, who accept the fact that no one is perfect, that everyone including themselves have flaws and that this is perfectly acceptable. We think they are our greatest achievement to date!.
To quote Dr. Seuss "Why fit in when you were born to stand out"
I came across this article at https://www.alifeinprogress.ca/truth-about-comparison/ below is an excerpt. This lady speaks some wise words, click on the link to read the full article.
You're imperfect. Life is messy. Show up anyway.
The Crazy, Ridiculous, Unhealthy Truth About Comparison
Comparison is a masterful storyteller. Supremely skilled at his craft.
The stories he spins are fanciful and ridiculous because we never know the full truth of someone else’s life and, therefore, measure ourselves against an illusion.
Comparison is the stuff of fairy tales.
Comparison tries to paint the world in one color alone.
The world doesn’t need another me, another Brené Brown or Joshua Becker – as much I admire their gifts, or another you. You’re lovely but you’re handcrafted, one of a kind.
And I like you. I like you messy. I even like you messy when you annoy me or make me uncomfortable. Because I love seeing people shine by being real.
And I’d rather be rubbed the wrong way by people who are being honest than live complacent or with a false sense of security surrounded by people who hide behind masks or perfection, afraid to show up real.
I’d rather a messy world than no hard conversations or space for mistakes or feeling bullied into silence or submission.
I’d rather try things and fail and have permission to shift course and freedom to question and wrestle than pretending I am who I’m not.
The crazy, ridiculous, unhealthy truth about comparison is that it strips us of color, demolishes creativity, and lulls us into a false sense of security.
Be you.
Stop comparing so you can do your thing. Offer your gifts. Contribute.
Accept that you’re insanely cool. Or that you’re quirky or imperfect and terribly rough around the edges. But help build a world you want to live in. Offer your light.
How boring to paint a world in one color alone.
What if you grow vegetables and share them with your neighbors or use your geeky love of math to somehow make the world safer. What if you use your skill as a lawyer to advocate for people who have no money and who pay you with gratitude but not loudly on Facebook. What if you teach or wash dishes or build bridges or animate a video game the way that only you can. With heart and vision and humility.
The world needs this. And you need this – because I think that we are each given gifts to use and when we don’t offer them, we stagnate and grieve for that which is missing. Because we are made for community and unique contribution.
But we’re not meant to be the same.
Comparison, envy, jealously – there is nothing shameful about them. But they don’t deserve a regular place at the table. They will keep us tangled up forever in fear or bitterness if we let them.
You don’t have to play big or dream big… but you also don’t have to hide.
Wake up to the crazy, ridiculous, unhealthy truth about comparison.
Images sourced from google.
AMEN!!
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